Generally Specific

I just finished making your fav lunch, Lainey and Brady. Mac n cheese. Okay, maybe it's not your favorite, but you both love it and eat tons of it, so that's close enough to favorite in my book. As I hollered upstairs for the 5th time for you guys to come down and eat, I stirred those little noodles into orange oblivion and thought about how many lunches I've made for my little brood. This year marks my fifth year as a mother... your mother. An overwhelming thought, really. So long, yet so short. I wondered as the cheese dissolved how many more boxes of processed, cheesy, noodle-ness I'd make. My blue boxes aren't quite numbered yet, since we have plans to eventually give you two some more siblings, but the days with you two are. You're getting older. My baby isn't a baby any more! It's taken a new nephew to really see how big you are, Brady! And Lainey, this is your last year at home with me before kindergarten. Don't tell anyone, but I'm pretty certain this is why I didn't push too hard to get you into a preschool. I'm going to miss you next year!!!



Anyway, back to the lunch you've now devoured. As I stirred and listened to feet clomping down the stairs (finally), a question popped into my head.



Is this everything you thought it would be, Carrie?



I think it came from a place of frustration at the growing pile of dishes, the crayons scattered (again) on the dining room floor, or just the plain repitition of herding you two (shouting up the stairs) without having to physically herd you down for lunch.



I paused.



I looked at the pan and the mac n cheese that I've made countless times, thought of the monotony of stay-at-home mommying.



And I gave the question a serious moment of reflection. Is this everything I thought it would be? Specifically? No. No way. But generally? It's so much better than anything I could've thought motherhood could be.



Specifically, I didn't think of the countless sippy cups I would fill. I didn't think of the number of words I would utter that would be totally disregarded. I didn't think of the teeth brushing, the laundry, the diapers, the laundry, the meal preparation, the tantrums, the laundry. I just thought of that tiny little one belonging with me and Tyler. Specifically, I knew of the late nights and nursing, but I didn't realize that those things are short lived and not as important as other specifics. I didn't think of the teaching involved with motherhood. The teaching I would give, and the teaching I would receive. I didn't specifically think of the moments of doubt and uncertainty in raising another person to go out into the world armed with knowledge, confidence, and faith. Specifically, motherhood was completely what I expected... until Lainey hit about 2. Then all my expectations went out the window and I started treading water.



Because specifically, motherhood is hard. And when Lainey turned 2, all the specifics I'd read and studied about no longer applied. So here I am, treading water. Sometimes dipping too low into the water, getting too wet, splashing too much. Sometimes, I get tired. But I'm still here. There are a few reasons why I've been able to stay afloat, though. A major reason is your daddy. He's right there with me motivating me, buoying me up, doing what is needed. But you two, Lainey and Brady, are the biggest reason why I find the energy to keep treading. Your smiles, your unprompted 'thank you's, your kisses, your excitement.



Specifically, I didn't think of all those things. I knew children loved their mothers, and mothers loved their children, but I didn't know how good that feels. Specifically, I couldn't know the warmth I would feel in my heart, cuddling in a twin bed with my four year old daughter for a bedtime story. Specifically, I couldn't know the feeling of maternal pride while watching a 2 year old throw a football. I wouldn't know the sound of the laughter that I could make come from my children by dancing like a fool in the family room. Specifically, in anticpating motherhood, I couldn't have known how having kids, not babies, could be so magical and imaginitive... for me. I couldn't have expected the happiness I'd feel watching my children learn and explore. Specifically, those are the moments that -for me- make motherhood generally unexpected.

What's love got to do with it?

image courtesy of Yahoo News

Have you seen Ike? He's HUGE! It kinda makes me wonder why people choose to live in areas prone to Mother Nature's destruction. I remember after Hurricane Katrina I actually looked at a map to see where exactly New Orleans was. People, its in the middle of the gulf! Well, practically.

Then, of course, I remember that people love places as much as, well, their family. And home isn't just where family is sometimes. Sometimes home is about a specific place, with specific memories, and specific scents and sights and sounds. So I guess I get it on some level.

Natural disasters have always fascinated me a bit. Growing up in Seattle, we were always told that 'the big one' was coming. And we practiced earthquake drills at school and talked about what to do in case the rumbling started. And then I lived through an earthquake. All 5.2 Richter's of an earthquake. And the scariness of earthquakes dissipated some because not much happened in that 10 seconds of rumbling and shaking. Then I went to college, and they said we were on a fault line there... and a big one was coming. Then we moved to Idaho. And they said we were on a fault line... and a big one was coming and would cause major flooding (or something like that). So me and earthquakes are pretty indifferent to one another. Now, if I lived on the California coast, I might be singing a different tune.

Which makes me wonder (reader participation, please!): If you had to pick one natural disaster to occur where you are in two days time, what would you pick and why? Tsunami, hurricane, earthquake, forest fire, tornado... any I didn't think of?

Me personally? I can't stand wet carpet, walls, etc. and all the mold issues, so I'd avoid a hurricane. The tsunami thing scares me because that wave is just so big and crushingly powerful. And we'd be dealing with lots of wet there, too. I really love the wind, but tornadoes scare me because they are so unpredictable. I guess I'd pick an earthquake or forest fire. What about you?

And are there any natural disaster threats where you live now and what are they?

My shame

Does your kitchen have a bar? Ours does. You wouldn't think a few square feet of counter top could evoke such emotion in me. But it does.

I hate it. Despise it. Loath it. Want to cut it off and burn it.

If you've ever had one, you know just what I mean. Because although I like to think of myself as a fairly neat and tidy person, somehow our bar ends up looking like this:

Also known as the familial dumping ground. If I don't take the time to pick it up for even ONE day, this is what happens. Chaos. Which then evokes in me some serious heart palpitations and anxiety attacks.

But I can explain the mess. Really, I can. And this mess is actually a good snap shot of what we've been up to. Let's take a closer look, shall we?

Item A: A box, contained items sent by Grandma on the arrival of a new school year. Contained beloved new colored pencils and a fancy, furry princess pen- that actually are no longer in the box, but the box remains. Why, you ask? Because Grandma also sent Mom's senior pictures from a decade ago and Mom just doesn't want to take the time to put them away properly. Mom's lazy. She knows.

Item B: A huge stack of papers and worksheets because Mom, being the nutcase that she is and ever seeking ways to inflict lessons of patience on herself, has decide to home school Lainey for her preschool year. Sounds easy, doesn't it? Hhhmmm, you've never tried it, have you? If you could get a better look you would be able to see our art project. Apple prints. That one was a success, I think. Although Mom did more of the work because Lainey didn't want to get messy. Item B is also a wide spread pile because of all the loose crayons that are yet to be tucked away into their box. On top of the pile is a thank you note Lainey wrote herself for Grandma... that still needs to be mailed. Which is why its still there.

Item C: A water bottle left out from our picnic yesterday. That's a funny story. We get to our picnic 'spot' for the day only to discover they don't allow day use only. 45 minutes later and surrounded my the fruit trees of Wenatchee, we found a nice quiet picnic spot and had a scrumptious dinner. The little hike we took was also quiet, except for that animal scurrying in the bushes. We sang loudly. Animals are always afraid of loud noise, right?

Item D: Breaking Dawn. I finally read it. Since I am the last person on earth to read it, I'll just tell you my review right now. Disappointing. I liked the series because I was reading a fantasy without feeling like I was reading a weird fantasy book. Breaking Dawn was a weird fantasy book. And definitely NOT for a young adult audience. Hello! Nudity! It didn't bother me too much, but no way was it appropriate for the target age group.

Item E: The pile of mail. Who doesn't have one of these lying around? I know I can't be the only one.

Item F: Lainey's registration and class info for her dance classes that start this week. She is unbelievably excited. I know what you're thinking. And yes, we chose to enroll her in dance classes rather than in preschool. We've got our priorities, you've got yours. You would understand if you could've seen her rhythmic gymnastic performance in our living room just a few short weeks ago. The girl's got rhythm.

Item G: The token Target bag. Everyone has one, don't they? This one happens to be filled with leotards and tights to try on Lainey for the dance class. Daddy went to Target for us and wanted to give us styling options. Oh, and there's some Armor All car cleaning product in there, too. Like I said, Tyler went to the store.

Item H: A random jar that Tyler doesn't want me to throw away. He has a purpose in mind for it, but it obviously has yet to fulfill said purpose because it is residing on my counter top.

Item I: Hard to see this one. The checkbook. It's sitting out to remind me to take a check to the lady at church buying peaches. I've already canned 66 lbs but we decided after eating 3 quart jars in just over a week, we might need a few more to make it a true one year supply. They come Wednesday. I'm gonna be busy.

Speaking of busy, I've gotta clean this mess up. The missionaries are coming for dinner and it's one thing to show a picture of your mess on the internet, but its another thing entirely to let someone else see it for real!

Tradition! Tradition! (think Tevyah from Fiddler on the Roof)

Have you ever avoided something because it just seemed too monumental? Too large of a task to complete? Too big a hill to climb?

This is what blogging about life is feeling like for me because we've done SO many fun things this month and I've fallen behind and don't feel like I can catch up. With 690 pictures in my August 2008 folder, it isn't a wonder we've lacked time to blog. So, here is my lame, disjointed attempt at catching up. Enjoy.


We've been enjoying the winding down of our summer with traditions old and new, family old and new (just one new little guy), and friends old and new. I've been thinking about my childhood and have watched my kids treasure moments that seem straight from pages in my own memory. I've hoped that these memories and others like them will follow given council and "make it easier for our children to follow the living prophets" though at the moment they seem like just great family fun. And as our traditions revolve around fun for now, I hope our traditions will also be "steady and unchanging in doing that which is good [so] our traditions become firmly rooted in righteousness" Traditions teach us what is important. We've started and continued various traditions this month...

....traditions of special Daddy and daughter moments, like Saturday afternoon dates

that start with a short nap on the way,

and end with smiles all around.

(WALL-E. They both loved it!)

And traditions of close cousins and hours of time spent together.

(Brady, Wesley, Sydnie, Lainey, and Lucy)

(Syd and Lainey)

Traditions of love...

(Lucy and Betsy)

And simple, wholesome fun.

(Brady blowing bubbles at the pool.)

Aunt Betsy and the Nightgown girls rockin out to the Mamma Mia soundtrack. Have you seen it? Mamma Mia? Well, you should! So fun!

(bowling with cousins and kids. I think the kids outscored the moms...)

And traditions of nature and of childhood pleasures.

(Thanks Laurie, for these great shots of Jetty Island- one of my most favorite places in the world.)

Traditions of exploration

(digging for clams)

(collecting seashells)

And friendship.

Traditions of treasure hunting.

(crab leg and Wes)

(note the kelp and bird feathers found on a nature walk)

And new traditions of 'send me on a mission' hair cuts.

before

after... my baby is growing up!

Traditions of work and self reliance.

And traditions of family time.

Waiting for the parade to pass us by!

checking out the horses at the county fair

cow barn with Mom and Brady

And traditions of celebration.

my cowboy and me

Tyler and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary last week and went on a date... to the rodeo. Not the most romantic venue but oh so fun!

As we hit this 7 year mark, it feels like an accomplishment, bigger than the last few anniversaries. This partnership is a tradition of sorts. It's a tradition of dedication, of love, of sacrifice and compromise. Its a tradition of laughter and joy and of hard work. Its a tradition of family and eternity and of learning. Cliches are cliches for a reason, and I'm going to use a few now. I couldn't have imagined on my wedding day how much more I would love my husband today than I did on that day. And as the years have passed, I haven't been surprised at this greater love. But what I will say is a little surprising is that not only do I love him more, but I am more in love with him that I was that day.

As we teach our children traditions, I hope they remember that this tradition of love and commitment is important and sacred. And I hope they see that in our relationship. I hope that all these traditions build a foundation for their lives that, as Sister Lant said, 'roots them in righteousness' because there is no place better to be rooted.


It's been a good month. Busy, but good.