T minus 14 days.

But first a birthday for a boy who's mother has done little to make him feel special in his life. Trying to make up for a life time (albeit a short lifetime) of lack of effort on my part at 38 weeks pregnant is proving to be exhausting. Throwing a party without the support of major retailers is sucking out every last bit of creativity I've got (which isn't much). Where is a Partyland or Zurchers when you need one??

And let's not forget about my crazy idea to have a garage sale... this weekend. 2 days after the birthday party.

I'm starting to feel that familiar "I'm so overwhelmed let's just forget its all happening too soon and take a nap."

After a quick trip to see the Grandparents and Aunt Laurie before she heads to China, I told Tyler that I just refuse to think that pregnancy needs to slow me down. I wish someone would tell my body.

And while you're talking to my spherical self, would you also remind my body that it can start getting ready for the big event? What is the point of dropping my pants in a sterile, fluorescent lit room if "things" are just going to be the same as last time... which was the same as it usual is when my body doesn't resemble a balloon near bursting.

Speaking of doctors, mine's fantastic, but the student, who is very well intentioned, keeps discussing the 'itty bitty'ness of my belly button and I just don't know if I can handle another comment on the lack of depth full term pregnancy gives my button.

I refuse to say I'm tired of being pregnant, because, quite honestly, I'm not. But... I wake up every morning and with the first tummy tumble or roll, I tell this little one to come because I'm so excited to meet her. The first baby, in my experience, is loved from the word 'go'. You love it because it exists and is coming and is the first. And its new and exciting and different. The second, you love, but you, or most mothers I know, wonder how to share love with two. How could you possibly feel the same enormous feelings with another one? Even if you don't admit to these feelings at the time (like me), you realize later you truly did wonder at how this would work and if all the cliches you hear are true. And then #2 comes, and you do love it as much. Without pause, thought, or breath. And then comes number 3. And you love it easily because you know what's coming. The love, the cuddling, the joy, the expanding mother heart. This is where I am, and have been for weeks, even months. I love this baby so much I just want to hold her and snuggle her to pieces. I just want more than anything to meet her.

And maybe, just maybe, I want one child, just one, who doesn't talk back to me. And yes, you can remind me of that when I'm wondering why I signed up for another infant whose communication skills are nil, unless you count wails and scrunched faces and fists as communication.

But I'm happy to keep her tucked away in hibernation for 2+ more weeks. Happy to have her incubate until she decides she's ready to make her appearance.

Maybe that's why I haven't washed a single piece of baby clothing. Mother's intuition (or my personal medical history in this department) is telling me she's not ready yet. Maybe that's why we haven't picked a name or even solidified a list of any kind (did anyone else think that baby #2 of one gender got sloppy seconds on the name business??). Maybe that's why I don't have nursing bras yet, even though this could happen any day now and the nearest nursing bra for sale is a good 45 minutes away.

Or maybe all of that is because I know mothering isn't about the stuff, the gear, the gadgets, the soft, adorable, tiny clothes, or even the name I selfishly bestow on her. Mothering, the art of mothering, is easy. It's all inside me already. Maybe that's why I feel at peace and calm in my waiting. Because I'm ready. In my mother heart. It's equipped with all it needs to welcome another baby. Love. Maybe that sounds conceited. I don't mean to say, by any means, that I am a good mother. But I do know how to love my children and I do... love them immensely. I'm ready.


The hospital, however, won't let us leave without a car seat... so I better get on that one, at least, right???

Incubating

I love being pregnant. Really. Some women think I'm crazy, but I do. Love it. Sure, the first 3 months aren't really a picnic, but the rest of it more than makes up for it. I don't get pelvic pressure, don't wake up to pee often, my sciatic nerve is an occasional annoyance, but not painful. When I hit 14ish weeks and started feeling the baby move, I was in HEAVEN! At one point I even started feeling bad that Tyler didn't get to be pregnant and feel what I got to feel every day, every hour. I think about being a surrogate a lot- that's how much I love being pregnant. I would be a surrogate if it weren't for our infertility issues that would probably disqualify me from doing it and the whole having to gain weight part (because losing weight, I know well, isn't a picnic). My doctor thinks I'm crazy because I keep telling him I WANT a late baby. We've even argued over my due date because I wanted it to be later. I'm a very unique OB patient. Love big, healthy, very full term babies. Pregnancy, for me, is simply divine.

Me at almost 29 weeks... Before you go judging my hugeness (and it is huge) let's remember a few things. #1. This is baby #3. I'm allowed to be ginormous. #2. My doctor is perfectly satisfied that I haven't gained too much weight. In fact, he says I've only gained 17 big ones. #3. Whatever, okay? I need to get over my hugeness more than you. I'm well aware that although I love pregnancy, I'm not thrilled with how I wear it.

Now that you firmly understand my love of gestation, I have to say, if I drop one more thing I'm going to scream! Yesterday I dropped a plastic container of freezer jam. Strawberry jam EVERYWHERE! Today, a home canned jar of peaches strewn across the clean (MOPPED!!!) kitchen floor. Tyler kindly cleaned it up for me, but alas, the floor is still horribly sticky, which means I'll be mopping the floor for the second time this week as soon as I step away from the computer. The other day I dropped a piece of garbage while I was bending over to open the cupboard with the trash can. Instinctively, I used one hand to pick up what I dropped and the other to finish my task (opening the cupboard) resulting in a whack to the face with the corner of the cupboard door. So if you see me around the 'Burg, yes, that is a purple bruise on my face, and, no, my husband doesn't hit me in the face, I do it to myself. All because I just can't keep anything in my hot little hand! Gggrrr.


And I am so very tired of pregnant dreams. I wake up every morning in the worst mood. I'm either depressed or angry because of whatever was floating in my head while I snoozed. Today I was very near tears 5 minutes after I woke up, and I knew it was mostly because of a dream I had that I couldn't remember, but I couldn't shake this sadness. Hormones + wacky dreams = nutso me!!! And you would think that my beautiful new duvet (find it here) would entice only beautiful, peaceful dreaming, wouldn't you? But such is not the case. (hubs came through in a big way for V-day, didn't he??? I guess all my not-so-subtle hints did the trick!) Any tips about the dreams, moms who know?


Maybe these scones I'm making this afternoon will help. I'll let you know. They have a pound of butter, so we're pretty sure they're going to taste delish, right?


And regardless of my rant, I really do love being pregnant. A lot. Have I said it enough? These minor complaints DO NOT over shadow my love for pregnancy.

And Gabrielle,

I know you are half way across the world,

but when you get home,

I just want you to know,

this was all for YOU!

Happy late birthday!

Tidbits...

He loves homemade granola, tomatoes, and anything sweet... he is my son. And I love it! He is a giver, too, like his dad, and I love that just as much as our similar eating habits.

She went to a birthday party a few weeks ago. She was the only white girl there. HA! And in the 'Burg!!! And the other girls were not hispanic as one who knows our area might suspect, but African American... got a good chuckle from that. The hispanic 6 year old birthday party is next week. Public school = new experiences. Love it!

It is still an it. Our ultrasound last month revealed zilch. While I am enjoying the humor of it all, I find the control freak in me dying at all the great winter sales I'm passing by. Less than 16 more weeks! Wahoo! I love this part of pregnancy. Baby swimming constantly, no more nausuea and still getting okay sleep. This is when I think to myself that I could do this 100 times.

Found the duvet of my dreams at a very pricey store. He thinks the price is insane. While I don't disagree, I want it. Bad. Real bad. Please feel free to tell me how much the duvet of your dreams might/did cost, and remember most of you are my friends...

Ever since I heard tell that the hour between 4 pm and 5 pm was referred to as the 'witching hour' because those at home are waiting for Daddy to come home from work, I have found myself getting more and more angry and short tempered at that time... Now that it has a name, my poor parenting has an excuse!

Project Runway started again. What those peeps can do with burlap! My oh my! Can't wait to watch tonight!

Get me out of January's doldrums, please... and soon. We're drowning in cold temperatures and cloudy skies!

Lainey had her first tardy today. She wouldn't tell the school secretary her name. She was too afraid. I don't think she's ever talked to her before.

Brady and I were 35 minutes late to our meeting this morning. It was either take a shower and be late or be on time and probably not get a shower the rest of the day.

I made it to school in time for kindergarten pick up, barely. I left Daddy babysitting Brady via cell phone in our running van while I ran to get her from the pick up line.

Brady was late getting dropped off for an afternoon playdate.

I was late getting to Cub Scouts, where I'd volunteered to substitute. I had to leave early to get Lainey to ballet.

But she was late to that, too.

Which meant that I was late picking up Brady from his play date.

And then dinner didn't get on the table in time because my clock has been behind all day, so when the financial planner showed up for our scheduled appointment, we were still eating our dinner- eggs and toast.

And then, finally, I sat down and was allowed to feel the angst, anger, frustration, and aggravation I'd been feeling all day. And it all came out. In snide, rude, short comments to Tyler in front of the financial planner. I'm sure that guy thinks I'm the witchiest wife in the Burg. And while some of my anger was correctly aimed, most of it was just me lashing out about my day.

So now I feel a little guilty- okay, a lot guilty. Tomorrow will be better, right?

I should've known where this day was heading when I left for my morning walk...

10 minutes late.

Best week ever...

We left the 'Burg last week for some much needed R and R. Grandma had the best rates, accommodations, and attractions, so we headed to the 'west side' as we Burgians like to call it. I don't know if I was just desperate for a break from the everyday or if Mom and Dad's is really that fun, but I had a GREAT week and so did my kids. Just so we don't forget the fun, here is a rundown of what we did:

-went to White's to window shop. May sound lame to you, but definitely gets you in the holiday spirit and I LOVE it!
-had a family dinner with my brother and his family on Sunday with some awesome pumkin bars/cake made by Shannon, recipe from Paula Deen (you need to make these, so good!)
-went to IKEA, bought fun stuff, and we had lunch there- first time I've ever eaten there! Swedish Meatballs, yum!
-went to the temple with my Dad. Loved it.
-went halfway to Canada for Thanksgiving with the Somes. Just like the good ol' days!
-went Black Friday shopping for the first time ever! Crazy, crazy, crazy!!! But we are 95% done Christmas shopping, just have 2 things to buy online.
-visit with the Miller brothers and their families. So nice to see family and that free children's museum was off the hook! (does anyone say that anymore?)
-went to Molbaks Nursery and saw every kind of Poinsettia there is (holy cow, there's a lot)
-took my kids and my mom, the former children's librarian, to the Seattle Children's Theatre to see an adaptation of 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie'. Grandma and I agree. We don't know what was better: the actual show or hearing Lainey and Brady laugh through the entire thing! It definitely was the highlight of the week for us. Hopefully the boys loved watching a little uninterrupted football while we were out.
-played lots of cards, colored oodles of pictures, and chatted it up in between!

And if you think I took any pictures of anything at all, then you are WRONG! Since Santa and I made a rather large purchase on Black Friday, I know this problem of lack of photographic evidence will be remedied after Dec. 25th. Thanks for a fun week, Mom and Dad!!!!!!

How we celebrate the holidays in the 'Burg

This Saturday, you can see (and I quote from our local newscaster) "beautifully lit tractors, horse trailers, and other farm equipment."

Does this seem odd to anyone else?

If you know us, you'll get it...

"Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come."


Joseph F Smith

Joseph F. Smith's words are how I feel about ALL my babies, but this next one especially! A little over 2 years ago, my doctor told me that I wouldn't get help getting pregnant (like I had with Brady) unless I first lost some weight. A few months of grumbling, a move, 95 lbs lost, and a miscarriage later, we are more excited than words to be expecting baby #3! I don't say all this to have anyone feel bad for me, but to help you all feel a little bit of our immense and indescribable joy and happiness!!! I feel a little guilty that I got the blessing I'd been praying for when I know of so many yet unanswered prayers. If I've learned anything from our 'wait' and months of 'trying' its that our lives are in the Lord's hands and I don't want to be anywhere else.

So baby #3 is due May 18th and is cookin along nicely. The kids are excited. Lainey gets it a bit better than Brady, obviously, and is really hoping for a sister. (me too!) We'll see!